i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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