i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
