I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
