my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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