Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
