How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I've blown a few things in my day
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
