You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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