benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
