Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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