I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
