The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you traded sex for a burrito?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
