I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
