Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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