At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
