She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
