I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
