I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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