Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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