I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
