Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
