bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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