Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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