So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
