angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
