Your mouth is God's brothel.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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