Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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