Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
