forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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