I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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