Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
