Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
