I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
