Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
