So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
