I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
