I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
