those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
