dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
