I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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