she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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