is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
