she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
