After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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