he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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