Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
