I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
