yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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