I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
