Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
