nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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