this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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