There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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