I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
