Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
