Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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