Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
