dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
