Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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