You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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