Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
