In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
