I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
