i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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