um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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