I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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