That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
