I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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