I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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